Day 9 It’s not my party but I’ll cry if I want to

Someone asked me recently to come back to Facebook, and I explained that I couldn’t as having left the party and slammed the door loud enough to get people to notice, the least I could do was walk up and down the road a bit. And that’s what I’ve been doing; every now and then someone’s nipped out for a bit of a chat or a fag, and I have crept back up to the house and peeked in through the steamy windows to look at you all grooving away in there to your hearts’ content. But for the most part, I have been out here on my own. So are you lot having a good time in there? Is DJGJ still spinning the decks? Ivan telling you about how far he’s run? Plenty of people to flirt with? Good. I’m pleased for you, but also, and far be it for me to be the party pooper, just wondering who you think is hosting this fab party you’re at?

Even on the outside of Facebook I find myself jettisoned back to my login page whenever I come across a Facebook Connect site; you might not even notice this, as many people are now logged in to Fb all the time. However, the BBC’s agony over finally implementing the Fb “like” button has highlighted the danger of allowing Fb to score data from whatever site asks us to kiss its little blue F. As you stagger around the internet how often are you gifting the F’ass with a little bit more of your exhaust data? Don’t worry this ain’t a paranoid rant, well not much of one, it’s just that it occurred to me yesterday that my self-imposed exile may start to exclude me more than I had actually reckoned on. In the future will this Facebook Fail of mine prevent me from having a bank account, logging on to HMRC or even voting? This vast repository of registration that Facebook has become will surely become the default go-to place for anyone needing that data. Will there come a time when the ads say “No Fb? No future”.

The “zipless fuck” experience of friction-free travel round the web where all we need is our Fb login and four cans of lager might not be quite the pain-free experience it currently seems. Sitting here in my Faraday cage watching you lot get loaded and shagging each other in the coat bedroom is great fun, but have you noticed that your Dad is the one who owns the house?


  • I feel a Jeremy Kyle Show Special waiting to happen with all this. Or a new lunchtime ITV2 slot called ScrewLoose Women.

    Makes Feltz look positively balanced.

  • General Confusion

    I was trying desperately to work out who the hell Makes Feltz was, and whether Makes was a man’s or a woman’s name.

  • Hi Jules,

    I must admit I do feel that your self imposed exile could well be biting you in the arse. Despite all it’s faults Facebook has become so popular because it enables us to communicate and have a soapbox to the rest of the world.

    An it’s perfect if you want to let a lot of people know what you’re doing in one post instead of sending individual emails. But more importantly it’s great for letting people know that you’re alive or dead.

    Unfortunately people DO have short term memories and I think you have a lot to offer. Your posts are always fun (even now I’m strangely drawn to this Bird site to get my fix) so please don’t allow yourself to become yesterdays news.

  • See? Ken speaks for the nation. You sign in, get your fix, get straight, feel normal; this then allows the good folk to get their fix of you. It’s symbiotic.

    It will also have the bonus side effect of averting your being sectioned, and under Cameron’s new look NHS I doubt the funny farm is going to be quite as fun as it used to be.

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