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Against my better judgement, I allowed Vanessa to persuade me into buying a fish bowl and two ‘fancy’ goldfish, duly named Freckles (ne Richard) and Fishy Merlishy. I aquiesed principally because the Biorb that we purchased only needs cleaning every month or so. OR SO I THOUGHT.

Two very sick fish and a green bowl later and we are standing in World of Water in front of a aqua geek who presents us with his lab test results and declares that we are high in nitrate. We spell out “are the fish going to die?” (we had the kids with us, not ‘cos we were showing off about our spelling prowess) and he nods yes unless we bring them in so that he can treat them at their fish hospital. Steve rushes home, brings back the fish for him to look after, and we are told that after cleaning the biorb we can have more fish in a week or so.

It’s only after I come across the geek emerging from behind what looks like a toilet door (we popped back to the shop to buy some more rocks for the bowl) that I wonder if for ‘hospital’ we should read ‘toilet’ and for ‘treatment’ we should read ‘flush’.

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