Place Your Bets

A kids' roulette table from Toys R Us
Another Friday night in, too tired to stay up and too bored to go to sleep I stray into the weird hinterland of the large cable numbers. I wander beyond 190 Hallmark and visit the strange colonies of shows that have carved up the territory where no right thinking tv traveller ever goes.

After passing Zee TV and Television X I finally settled on Quiz TV, a strange chimera of (seemingly) Bravo meets Countdown, where the hostess looked like she was recruited from a phone box card (dressed admitedly, but definitely grubby, with bra straps akimbo). Despite the likelihood of her moving from this show to Strictly Come Dancing being zero (although the introduction of a pole might up her chances), this particular Vorderman clone, blithely blabbered on to a puppet sheep of all things whilst encouraging us to call in at 60p a minute, to answer the puzzle on the blackboard. Strangely she did this while giving detailed information about who was appearing in local pantos all around the country.

What concerns me is, despite this being probably one of the cheapest, most tragic and tawdry shows I have ever seen, I spent five pounds on phone calls trying to ring in the right answer to a sum they had up on the blackboard. I just couldn’t resist. God only knows what’s gonna happen to us when they build that Casino in our back garden. I don’t need bright lights, a free drink and oxygen pumped into the building – just tell me where and when to lose my money and I seem to do it willingly.

Still, I draw comfort from the fact that we can all go to gambling hell as a family having come across this when searching for “kitchen” on the Toysrus website.

BTW this is the sum and the instructions were as follows “Add up all the numbers including the roman numerals”.

52361 minus
13489 plus
98525 divided by
5

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